After a bad breakup two years ago, my boyfriend and I are trying again

This week’s diarist is keen to make things work with her ex (Picture: Myles Goode/ getty images)

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Olivia*, a 33-year-old marketing manager in London, who has sex about four times a week.

She’s back with her ex, Patrick*, who she split up with two years ago. The pair hadn’t spoken since, until a chance meeting brought them back together.

‘We split because we didn’t properly communicate and ended up having resentment towards each other,’ Olivia says. ‘I was struggling with my mental health which I now know is premenstrual dysphoric disorder, and I put a lot of pressure on him to be there for me.’

After bumping into each other on the overground, Patrick texted Olivia later that evening and suggested dinner. They met up the very next day and decided to give their relationship another go.

‘The last thing I want is a situationship with my ex, so we had a big discussion about what we want from each other and how to make it work this time around,’ she adds.

While they’re in they’re back in the honeymoon phase, it hasn’t been without some minor hiccups — but they know that, this time, they want to be together for good.

Without further ado, here’s how Olivia got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Monday

I spent the night at Patrick’s yesterday. We start off the day with a lie in and wake up for morning sex. I’ve accidentally bled a bit, so we strip the sheets and pop them in the wash.

I notice an old blood stain on his mattress – which definitely wasn’t there the last time we dated. For a second I get an icky feeling in my stomach thinking of him with another girl… and then remember we were broken up for two years, and force myself to quickly move on. 

I know that Patrick noticed me notice the blood stain and was about to say something about it when I changed the topic.

We both (usually) work from home so I set up at his dining table and he works from his desk.

I’m in the middle of a Zoom meeting when Patrick crawls under the dining table and starts to go down on me – we used to do this all the time, and I’m quickly reminded of why I loved it so much.

Thankfully I’ve done all the talking I need to do so I’m muted. I’m trying my best to not let it show on my face, but have to quickly turn off my camera.

We end up having a quickie on the couch and I jump back on my Zoom call to say goodbye to everyone, pretending as if I haven’t just come while they brainstormed the next campaign. 

Tuesday

I have a late start to the work day since my boss is in Brazil and Patrick’s clients are in town, which means he has a full night of schmoozing ahead of him.

When we wake up, we haven’t even spoken a word to each other when I feel Patrick’s hand on my thigh. We make the most of our altered work day with a few rounds of sex and an hour of pillow talk. 

We say how much we’ve missed one another, laugh about inside jokes from when we were first together, and catch up with what we’ve missed out on when we were broken up.

We’re both going to therapy now and feel like we’re in a better place where we can show up for each other, as well as ourselves. 

The sex is great, but the emotional intimacy is what I’ve missed most about our relationship. I feel smitten all over again. 

Wednesday

I wake up in a great mood today. 

Work has been going great and waking up to Patrick every day wasn’t on my bingo card this year – it’s been a wonderful surprise.

We’re planning an upcoming campaign shoot in Amsterdam which means I get to be creative and deal with the little logistics – I credit the Virgo in me for genuinely getting excited about this. 

I follow Patrick into the shower and dare I say it – it may have been the best sex we’ve ever had.

He turns me around and pushes me up against the wall. I usually hate his mirrored shower, but this time I can’t stop watching him while he f**ks me. 

I’m not usually one for shower sex (is anyone really?) but this time around feels different. 

I could definitely get used to this. 

Thursday

I go into the office today and am quickly sent home after two panic attacks. I’m PMSing this week and I realise that I haven’t kept up with my antidepressants, a rookie mistake that I’ve unfortunately made more times than I would have liked. 

I call Patrick when I leave the office and he tells me to go back to his. My mental health had been a bit of a sensitive topic the last time we were together, so I’m glad he’s being supportive this time around.

With my PMDD I went through extreme highs and lows, which was confusing for us both. And during my low points, I couldn’t regulate my emotions – I’d often just burst into tears out of nowhere or lash out.

Patrick didn’t know how to be there for me, and I didn’t know what I needed. It was frustrating for both of us to go through the same issue every month. 

He’s on a call when I get back to his so I take my antidepressant, grab the dog, and head to bed for a midday nap.

I’m feeling like myself again when I wake up so I put in a few hours of work and then give Patrick a blowjob as my way of saying thank you. 

I order in some Chinese for us, and we’re quickly rolling around in bed – Patrick is going down on me and I’m just about to finish – before we are interrupted by the Deliveroo driver. At this point I couldn’t care less about the food. I just want to finish off what we started, but this time I’ll have to wait. 

Friday

I’ve now spent every day this week at Patrick’s place and, aside from taking the dog for a walk, have barely left the flat. We’ve spent the past five evenings catching up, ordering in and having the most incredible sex ever.

Today I’m woken up with a massage and a new set of matching lingerie – which doesn’t stay on for very long. He gets a dozen roses delivered to me at lunch time and makes us dinner reservations at a fancy restaurant in Shoreditch… Happy birthday.

We go back to his after dinner and our clothes are off before we even make it to the bedroom. He leads me to the bed and I jump on top of him. I can tell he’s going to finish right away so he flips me over and go into doggy. 

It’s a perfect day until we head to bed at 1am and he gets a phone call from another woman while I’m getting unready.

I obviously try my best to eavesdrop, but I remind myself not to jump to conclusions. ‘I can’t talk right now.’ I’m trying my best not to let my triggers get the best of me. 

Before I can finish brushing my teeth, Patrick runs to the bathroom to tell me it was his old neighbour – he hasn’t spoken to her in years and has no idea why she’s calling.

I have trust issues from past relationships and try my best not to let it trigger me. Patrick has never given me a reason to doubt him, but after so much time apart, I’m not sure who this woman is or if they’ve ever had a relationship.

He tells me they barely know one another and shows me their texts – the last time they spoke was a few years ago.

I’m not really sure what to believe or what to say and I am definitely not in the mood to talk about it. Regardless of the reason behind her call, my birthday is officially ruined. 

Saturday

Patrick shows me the text he’s sent to his neighbour. He tells her he has a girlfriend and that her calling is uncalled for, even though they’ve never been intimate with each other. He asks her to please stop contacting him.

I’m glad he’s sent this message but there’s still a lot to discuss. I realise now might be the perfect time to address everything we never got around to when we decided to get back together.

Communication was never our strong suit, so even though this was not the way I wanted to wake up the morning after my birthday, I’m thankful we’re actually communicating and not falling into old habits.  

We have makeup sex and I feel good about our conversation.

He reassures me there’s nothing to be worried about. He’s not seeing anyone else and hasn’t been dating for the past few months. We both tell each other how happy the other makes us and promise to have grown up conversations this time around, so we can avoid the same arguments we had before.

It’s finally time for me to go home. I meet a friend for dinner and a late-night screening at the cinema. I feel quite proud of myself for saving my pennies by sneaking in a few drinks, until the couple next to me whips out a container of hot popcorn they’ve brought from home – now that’s impressive.

Sunday

Patrick and I go for a Sunday Roast and a long walk around Victoria Park before we head back to his to watch a movie. For once we actually get through the film without jumping on one another.

This is the first time we’ve been together without having sex. I don’t like that this has happened after our fight the other night, but I’m trying not to overthink.

He pulls me closer and grabs my hand – without saying anything he’s given me all the reassurance that I need, and I know I’ve made the right choice.

My friends and family can tell how happy I am with Patrick back in my life. He’s also been putting in much more effort and properly getting to know them, which definitely helps. I know it’s early days, but it feels different this time.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing [email protected].