My date said I was lucky he’d overlooked my height

Safe to say, it was not a successful date (Picture: Getty Images)

As I sat down across from my date, I was too stunned to speak. And not in a good way.

‘I would have never matched with you if I knew how short you were,’ Josh* laughed. ‘I never date a girl shorter than 5’4”. Good thing you have a face that makes up for it.’

I was gobsmacked. I had travelled 45 minutes from east to west London to meet him – only to be given a back-handed compliment in the first 20 minutes of the date.

I didn’t know what to say. I remember just sitting there, trying to work out whether he was joking.

He wasn’t.

I was 31, newly single, and jaded from my previous relationship when I met Josh. My ex had just made his new relationship official – with the girl he cheated on me with, mind you – and I was desperate to get over him.

I’d made my Raya account about a month prior to my date with Josh. It’s a dating app that you have to be ‘accepted’ onto, and I’d heard it was popular with people in the creative industries.

I got a referral from a friend of mine, who’s a stylist. She’d had bad luck on Hinge and then met her boyfriend after just a few dates on Raya, so I figured I’d also try my luck.

Josh was the first person to come up when I opened the app. His dating profile didn’t tell me a lot about him aside from a short bio – he was a director who’d recently landed a job working with some A-list celebrities –but from his photos, he seemed active and passionate about his work, which I liked.

I wondered why I was being made to feel like I should be grateful he asked me out (Picture: Getty Images/Westend61)

We matched and Josh immediately reached out, asking me for drinks after just a few messages. I wasn’t used to men being so forward and couldn’t tell if it was refreshing or a red flag, but I figured I had nothing to lose.

Safe to say, it was not a successful date.

Josh suggested a pub near him, making no attempt at trying to meet me halfway – that should have been a warning. But I didn’t want to start looking for reasons not to meet someone before I had even given them a chance.

Regardless, I was already unimpressed when I arrived at the pub Josh suggested – then, he texted saying ‘go ahead and find a table’, as he was around the corner ‘finishing up drinks with colleagues’. He had failed to mention the pre-drinks when he asked me out a few days before.

Josh ultimately arrived 20 minutes late – but he was apologetic and immediately ordered a bottle of wine for us. He seemed easy to talk to and I wasn’t exactly not enjoying myself.

I went home that evening upset that I had wasted my time with Josh

But now I was sitting across from him wondering why I was being made to feel like I should be grateful he asked me out. It had quickly become clear that he thought pretty highly of himself.

I tried to decide whether being told I was too short was something I should actually be offended by; ultimately, I brushed off the comment and carried on the conversation.

About an hour into the date, his phone rang; he groaned and silenced his phone. When I asked him if he wanted to answer it, he sighed.

‘No. It’s the girl I’m seeing. She’s so clingy.’

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

‘How long have you been seeing each other?’

‘I don’t know, three months? But we’re not official. She thinks I’m out with the boys and is still trying to call me. She’s so clingy.’

It was at this point I realised I had had enough.

They may not have been ‘official’, but he was clearly leading this woman on, then sitting across from me and speaking about her like she was an inconvenience. I was disgusted.

I had gone to that date hoping it would help me move on from my ex (Picture: Getty Images)

‘You should text her,’ I told him. ‘I’m going home.’

‘You don’t want to see my place? It’s just around the corner.’

I grabbed my bag and headed out.

I went home that evening upset that I had wasted my time with Josh. I realised I needed more time to get over my ex – rushing into something else for the sake of it was only going to make me feel more lonely.

The next day, to my surprise, Josh messaged me: ‘I had fun last night. We should do that again.’ I didn’t reply.

Five hours later, he messaged again: ‘wyd’.

Again, I ignored him – but my WhatsApp notifications kept going off.

‘U out?’

‘C’mon, would be fun.’

‘Hello???’

‘Hahaha c’mon.’

I didn’t want to waste any more of my energy speaking to this man, so I blocked him and that was that. My Raya account remained untouched for the next month.

Looking back, I don’t think the worst part of the date was being told I was too short for his usual type. It was realising how willing I had been to overlook behaviour that made me uncomfortable simply because I thought dating was something I should be doing.

I had gone to that date hoping it would help me move on from my ex. Instead, it taught me something much more useful: being single doesn’t mean you have to accept whoever is willing to take you out.

Now, if someone asks me to travel 45 minutes across London to meet them at a pub five minutes from their front door, I’ll think twice before getting on the Tube.

*Name has been changed

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