I’ve been revising for my son’s GCSEs – I’m more stressed than him

I knew this academic year would be tough when teachers started talking about early revision (Picture: Getty Images)

My dining room table is strewn with textbooks.

There’s a chart on the kitchen wall that has every exam coming up in the next few weeks and an app on my phone keeps bleeping, telling me it’s time to stop history and start chemistry revision. 

GCSE time has certainly taken hold in our household. But it’s not my son groaning under the weight of all this stress.  

It’s me. 

Even though I’m 47 and did my own GCSEs 32 years ago, I’m feeling the pressure more than my 16-year-old son Alex. 

It’s me who wakes in the middle of the night wondering if we covered enough chemistry. And I’d wager other parents feel exactly the same. 

In September – the start of the infamous Year 11 – I knew this academic year would be tough when teachers started talking about early revision, apps, videos we should download to plan ahead, and setting up a studying schedule. 

Back in autumn, though, it all seemed so far in the future. And besides, we had Christmas first, didn’t we?

I was wrong to think I could relax. 

I began to panic (Picture: Julie Cook)

A round of mocks in late autumn followed by more earlier this year meant that the word ‘exam’ has bounced around my brain for months. Then, parents with children of a similar age started talking about what they were doing to prepare.

I began to panic.

That’s when I followed up on all the advice I’d been given in September, read up on how to revise strategically and looked up every ‘hack’. From cramming, to ‘blurting’ – where you get your child to randomly write down and ‘blurt’ all their knowledge willy-nilly on a piece of paper. 

We’ve written and cut out flashcards on everything from the Steinbeck novel Of Mice and Men, to business studies jargon ranging from ‘economies of scale’ to ‘break even output.’ 

My husband thinks other parents’ fears have rubbed off on me and we all need to chill out (Picture: Julie Cook)

I’ve tried to get my non-scientific mind (I flunked science at GCSE) around osmosis and learnt about the practices of every religion around the world for religious studies.

I’ve analysed the meaning of a grading system alien to me (9 for an A*, 4 for a pass) and I know for a fact I am more stressed than my son is. Although he wants to do well, he is certainly not anxious about it to the level I am.

In short, my brain is frazzled. And now, every day, my kitchen table is a mess of books, pens, highlighters and notes.

My husband Cornel, 45, thinks I need to step back. ‘I passed all mine on my own, and so did you,’ he points out. In fact, he thinks other parents’ fears have rubbed off on me and we all need to chill out.

And it’s true. Parents didn’t get involved back in the 80s and 90s.  

I’m not pressuring my son – he made the initiative himself to really knuckle down (Picture: Julie Cook)

But now it’s a whole new world. Parents discuss revision hacks as soon as their kids hit year eight. I know people who got tutors for their kids’ SATS – which feels unreal to me.

One friend I had coffee with had an app ping on her phone during our chat.

‘Oh, just alerting me to his physics exam today,’ she smiled. 

I realised I was not alone – we’re all monitoring our children’s studies – but I became curious as to why. 

My own parents barely knew what day my exams were, let alone helped me revise. All my peers say the same.  

I wake in a cold sweat every time (Picture: Julie Cook)

Is it that we care more now? Or has life become more competitive? Are we all that terrified of the end of August when we get the results?

I have a recurring dream that I arrive on exam results day and my son runs away from me, waving his brown envelope of results. In my dream I try to snatch it from him but he runs off laughing. 

I wake in a cold sweat every time. I wonder – does that mean I’m a caring mother or a bossy, meddling bore? 

But I’m not pressuring my son – he took the initiative himself to really knuckle down – his mediocre mock results were the boost we both needed to really get stuck into revision. 

He’s worked so hard and I know whatever happens, he will have done his best and that’s fine with me.

One day this stressful time will all seem like a dream (Picture: Julie Cook)

It’s also brought us closer together. 

A year or so ago he’d scuttle upstairs straight away on his return from school and play his PS4 or listen to music. But now we sit on the sofa together and read out flashcards or discuss the themes of loneliness in Of Mice and Men.  

Often, even as we finish our revision, he’ll stay a little longer and tell me about his day. It’s time we probably wouldn’t have together if it wasn’t for his GCSEs. 

Sometimes in the midst of all the stress, I’ll look at him explaining economies of scale and profit margins and go misty eyed, wondering where on the earth the toddler who once cut his own hair at nursery with plastic scissors went. 

Life is moving fast and I want to enjoy the time I have with him, all while helping him achieve the best he can.

So, fellow parents of GCSE – and A-Level – students, you are not alone. This time will pass – all the hard work will be worth it and one day this stressful time will all seem like a dream.  

I just hope I can hold it together until results day. 

If I do my son jokes I’ll get a 9 in good behaviour.

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