I gave my partner a ‘free pass’ — then he said my friend’s name

I was expecting my boyfriend to name an A-lister (Picture: Getty Images)

‘Salma.’

This one word almost destroyed our entire relationship.

I had just asked my partner Chris* who he would sleep with if he had a free pass. And he said Salma, with no hesitation.

I couldn’t believe it. I watched him, as he moved his headphone back over his ear and continued playing his computer game, seemingly oblivious to how much my world was currently falling apart around me.

It was my own fault, I don’t know what I was after by asking that question, but the last thing I expected was for him to say the name of one of my friends.

I had just seen the episode of Friends where Ross makes a list of the five celebrities he would sleep with if Rachel gave him a free pass, and bumped Isabella Rosellini off the list before bumping into her in a coffee shop.

And it got me thinking – who would Chris choose?

It kicked off a tricky month… (Picture: Getty Images)

I decided that Scarlett Johansson or Margot Robbie could be possibilities, and since they are so universally desired, it would be something I could deal with. The same went for most actresses, and the more I thought about it, the more I decided I would be okay with his answer.

I felt giddy and lost in the sauce of it as I approached Chris nonchalantly asking him for his, while he attempted to play computer games one Sunday morning.

But Scarlett Johansson didn’t leave his lips, instead he said the name of my friend from work: Salma. She had recently become a part of our friend group, and had successfully integrated with everyone so naturally, that standing next to Chris as he played The Witcher as if nothing had happened – I started to find it suspicious.

I wondered if she was actually my partner’s sidepiece, and he was cheating on me all along.

The downward spiral into jealousy had begun.

I said nothing to Chris – a big part of me knew I was acting absolutely unhinged and decided to unfurl in my own mind instead of out loud.

I thought the sexy ‘free pass’ game would be a bit of fun (Picture: Getty Images/Westend61)

So, I continued as if he didn’t rip my heart out at that very moment.

Instead, I turned my attention to Salma.

We had a cinema date the next week with a few friends, which Chris couldn’t make.

Every time Salma spoke, I rolled my eyes. Whenever she suggested anything, I decided she had just said the most idiotic thing I had ever heard and would suggest the complete opposite.

In our group chat before we met up, she asked everyone if they wanted to grab a drink before the film started and I responded with ‘not unless you want to pee every five seconds, Jesus woman’. You could almost hear me scoff.

My friends had started to notice and one even pulled me aside to ask me why I was being so weird with her, to which I responded with ‘I just think she’s boring’.

I could hear myself say it and couldn’t believe I was doing it. My jealousy had turned me into a monster.

For the next couple of weeks, I was passive aggressive to Chris and plainly aggressive to Salma.

Unsurprisingly, the man in the situation didn’t get the brunt of my anger – looking back, I’m ashamed that I decided to hate a woman even though she did absolutely nothing to me. That’s the patriarchy for you.

Social conditioning has framed men as ‘helpless’ to their sexual desires, so they are victims to the ‘sirens’ or devil-like women who seduce them.

But that didn’t connect in my brain at that time, instead I fulfilled the role of ‘crazy jealous girlfriend’.

And I still hadn’t approached Chris to discuss how I felt about what he said, and he, as a man, thought I was being a ‘bitch for no reason’ – which I later found out he told one of our friends.

Weeks later, it all came to a head.

‘You want to be with Salma, then go do it,’ I yelled at him, on the verge of tears.

‘Oh my God’, he said, his face changing from anger to a lightness I hadn’t seen in a while.

‘Salma,’ he said, ‘Salma Hayek you idiot’, he burst out laughing.

It turns out, I’d got the wrong end of the stick… (Picture: EPA)

‘What,’ I whispered back, outraged at myself, him and the entire situation.

‘You thought I meant your friend Salma? Oh my God’, he fell onto his chair laughing, and went to grab me to try and bring light into the situation, but I was stuck in my shame.

I couldn’t stop thinking about what I had done to Salma for the past month. All for a relationship with a boy. Gross.

I could feel the feminism in me finally returning, and clarity engulfed me.

‘I’m so stupid,’ I whispered, reaching for my phone, preparing myself to send the longest and most sincere apology to Salma.

I never told her the real reason I was acting weird and used stress as an excuse. Luckily, she forgave me and we had a great friendship from there on.

I, however, could not watch From Dusk Till Dawn again.

Not without rolling my eyes or kissing my teeth.

*Names have been changed

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