Ayatollah Disappointed To Learn 72 Virgins Awaiting Him In Paradise Are All Women

TEHRAN — With rumors about his sexual preferences circulating amid the ongoing military conflict ravaging his country, the new Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei was reportedly disappointed to learn that the 72 virgins awaiting him in paradise were all women. Sources within the regime revealed that the recently chosen supreme leader had called his most trusted Muslim scholars to search the Quran to determine if the 72 virgins awaiting martyrs in paradise had to be female. "You could tell he was pretty bummed," said one insider. "We've all heard the rumors for years, and his father tried to keep it under...